Hello, how’s it going! I hope you’ve had a great week and if you’re not doing too well today then that’s okay to, especially with all that’s going on, you’re allowed to have your bad days but, please just remember how to pick yourself up after and treat yourself with care.

Tonight’s post is effectively one of those ‘how I learned to love myself’ reads and, although I am going to share how I got to that point, hopefully you will be able to take something from this and apply it to yourself, because everybody deserves to truly love and think kinder of themselves. There is always of course that boundary of ‘well where do you lose touch, and just become cocky’ but, for me I can truly say I acknowledge my flaws, my imperfections but, I now truly love who I am. (I hope you’ve got a bucket)

It started in lockdown after spending time with my mum, nearly every day she would come into my room, look in my mirror and list off the things she hated about herself. It would be unnecessary physical criticisms but, you start somewhere. Of course I told her off and told her how beautiful she is but, it just made me so sad because she couldn’t see what I saw and, I imagine there’s many more who do the same. It impacted me to think about how I saw myself and that I don’t want to get to my 50s still not liking who I am, when I was already going down that path.

I started with my own insecurities, I made a point that from that day I was going to wake up and when I looked in the mirror turn what I disliked into what I now love. Each insecurity from my scars, moles/freckles, biceps, stretch marks, stomach/the pooch (still working on that one) and literally just give myself affirmations to make me start seeing the good about myself. I think people forget sometimes when you’re not in a relationship you’re never getting those daily affirmations from someone about how nice you look, compliments about a certain feature, somebody loving you, or if you have a moment of doubt someone bringing you up and comforting you, you literally have to do all those things for yourself!

Eraggghhhh, this is why I dislike writing sometimes. I really enjoy it when I get it right and I’ll feel pretty good after but, sometimes I read back what I’ve put and it just sounds like such ball shit to me. Even though it is what I feel, sometimes it is hard to put it into engaging words.

I’ll continue from here and see if I can merge it all into one, because I want to be honest like yes, I’ve gotten to a point where I really fucking love who I am and I genuinely know I’m bloody awesome (yes as said before I know I’ve got things that I can always work on blah blah) but, I think what I mean is that I just like myself a whole lot more than I used too but, that’s only after putting the work in.

I started noticing the change at first with dating, I did try some virtual dating through lockdown and a few dates where possible once we came out but, I just started realising the shit that I normally would of put up with or made excuses for, I just don’t now. I know I’m a queen (who would also like to treat you like a king/queen) so don’t be treating me like the jester! That was a good feeling, I mean frustrating because still found a lot of people just wanted to date for a shag or to keep them occupied whilst they were on furlough (yes this happened) but, my point is once you realise your ‘worth’ you will notice how you deserve to be treated and the less stress realising that brings.

Secondly probably was on my Instagram and that has only been more so in the last couple of months with my stories/feed. I mean honestly my main page is just my vanity, it’s when I’m feeling myself (not literally) and I want to share a picture, that’s where I’ll go (example from the one I uploaded today, I used to hate my open mouthed smile, hate it, wouldn’t of uploaded that before, but, I’m bloody happy so what logic is there in even hating a photo like that). The blogs are my thoughts/feelings and my story is I guess just my life, what I want to share in random outbursts even if it is a plate of food or a cocktail (I can’t help it hehee) but, just doing my stupid lip syncing videos, or recently been uploading talks on there about feeling good and positive, that before I just wouldn’t of felt confident to post. It’s that why do I care what others think of me when I’m perfectly happy with myself attitude.

The biggest tip I can give is really do get up every day and start saying positive and nice things about yourself, because I will continue to end each of my blogs telling you how bloody brilliant you are and that you can face everything that comes at you in life because you are a strong independent person but, until you really start to do that for yourself you’ll never like what you see in the mirror. Which is crazy because you deserve it, as long as you are a decent human being who is just trying to manage their way through life in the best way you can and being as nice as possible along the way that is an amazing achievement and one that is worthy of self- love.

Well there you go, ended up making that really fucking long didn’t I! I don’t want this to be a ‘oh look at me I’ve got all this confidence and love for myself’ but, that is kind of what it is. I’m here to tell you that its okay for you to do this as well, it’s okay to feel good and like yourself, it’s a wonderful thing! I still have my doubtful days but, I just try to make sure that there’s less of them each week. Maybe I’ll do a mini Part 2 to this with some listed tips on how you can keep going with this for yourself but, for now good night!

Keep safe and speak soon.

x