Where to start

Hey, I literally do not know where to even start with this. I have been dreading writing this blog for the last 8 months. I am currently writing this on an email as I thought it would be somehow easier for me to get typing if I did it in this format, we’ll see. I mean where do I even start, what do I actually even talk about? What’s the right thing to say, I can’t even think where to begin so please bare with me. I have missed you and I hope after reading this you’ve missed these too. 

What a fucking year, right, I mean what an actual fucked up year 2020 has been. I feel everyone has been personally affected by this pandemic in one way or another, whether it’s death, mental health, loss of business, loneliness, I’m so sorry and I hope you know it will be okay and that this isn’t forever. The murder of George Floyd created a movement that made me look at myself and what I have in a way I never have before, it made me realise the education that I need as well as so many others to confront the systemic racism that has been running in majority of countries for a shame able amount of time and the sadness of the lives lost due to racism. The explosion in Lebanon shook me to the core, watching through a screen and trying to imagine what a terrifying experience that must be and to lose your home in just a split second. There have been so many tragedies to come out of 2020, too many to even comprehend and as much as I like to be the positive bee, I think we have to acknowledge these in order to grow, learn, be kinder and look after each other. 

How have you been? I hope you have been well. I understand that your year might of felt so thrown off by all what’s happened but, it will make you stronger. There have also been so many lovely and positive stories to come out of all this that I hope you have been reading up on those as well. I mean I discovered TikTok (DONT JUDGE) I honestly have to say that some of the days I may have been feeling very down just some of the random ass videos that get uploaded on there have cracked me right up! So I wouldn’t have the first clue about how to film a video but I would recommend signing up if you need a good laugh. The pandemic bought me and my family closer than we have ever been, lockdown bought us takeaway and movie nights that we’d never done before and yeah, it hasn’t lasted all the way through but, it was nice, it was nice to not be in a house with people and feel so alone. 

I don’t want to talk about this too much as I’d like to do a separate self care blog but, I hope you have been taking care of yourself. I pride myself on being a strong person and trying to lift others up but, I have had to take more time this year to lift myself up as well. I definitely had a lot more down days or weeks than I’ve had in a long time. It’s been hard, but it’s been hard for everyone however, please don’t let that invalidate your feelings. You know, it is okay not too be okay and in 2020 this has never been more appropriate to use. 

I understand it is difficult, some days it’s so difficult just to get yourself out of bed and face another day of the unknown but I promise you, you’ve got this. Don’t let this virus take you off of your path, yes things may go on hold but, that doesn’t mean you won’t get the chance to do them again. No matter who you are your future is bright and it will be alright (unintended rhyme for you there). Try not too worry wherever you are in the world, I’m sending my big virtual hugs. I intend to be back soon – this has been good, I’m trying my best not too just burst out into tears from realising how nice it is just to let this all out…luckily my stepdad has walked into the office to build his toy model trains! Saviour!

Most importantly don’t forget to laugh, as long as you’re not hurting others (there’s a lot of odd balls out there) do whatever you need to do to get yourself laughing and feeling happy, you deserve it! Re-watch that tv series for the 50th time, facetime your best friend for the 6th time in a week, download Tik Tok! Christ just do what makes you happy because we don’t do it enough, and if love and happiness can be found amongst tragedies then that’s magic.

I’ll see you soon.

Evie x

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