Hello! Happy Valentines you beautiful people and to all the singletons out there who are just waiting for this day of love to be over! I can’t believe it’s been a whole year since the blog I uploaded last Valentines, which if you haven’t read was all about taking some self-care if you were alone and just giving yourself some love on Valentines whether that’s getting a massage or giving yourself one hehee! After doing that last year I had planned things a little differently for this time in that I was going to be on a big night out with the girls, a little singles night if you will but, unfortunately I got an appointment slot for an MRI I need (arthritis related) and it’s tomorrow! (the 15th) and as it’s an early appointment up in London and due to the type of scan it is it means I am unable to attend the girl’s night annoyingly! However, I am going out for a lovely dinner with my friend Phoebe and we will certainly enjoy some cocktails. Whatever you have planned whether it’s an extravagant night out with your partner or just a chilled night in reading this blog along with some pizza remember that it’s just the same as any other day.
Anyway, the point in todays blog if you couldn’t tell by the title is all about how to get over an ex. I have been waiting for the right time to write this blog because I wanted to write it when I really felt this way in my own life, that I had gotten over my ex. The reason I am uploading on Valentines day is because there are a lot of single people out there who on this day most likely are reminded by their exes and I want you to know you’re not alone. I remember after the break up the first thing I did was go on YouTube and google literally typing in ‘how to get over an ex’ which I know sounds so stupid but, I just felt so upset and so hurt that I wanted a quick solution, I wasn’t going to have this whole ballshit of ‘time heals’, I didn’t want to go through that but inevitably that’s what happened. I think everyone deals with getting over there ex differently, some people do just get right back in the dating scene, meet someone and bobs your uncle they’re moving in together but, I think after the reality hit me that the option of a quick fix wasn’t for me and I knew I wanted to feel everything so that I could finally get to a place where I just felt over it and over him.
Cry: seriously after majority of break ups there is a hell of a lot of crying and I know in the moment It seems like the best thing to do is just switch off your emotions because you don’t want to think your giving that power to your ex of still making you upset even when you’re not together but, it honestly does feel so good to let it out. Most of the time I wouldn’t even cry because of him but, just because I felt so lonely and I wasn’t use to that in such a long time truly just being by myself however, as I have talked about in other blogs it really gave me strength. Crying is certainly not for the weak and I promise it does stop in time but, I personally think it’s good to just live through your emotions in the moment. Another thing that helps is having fun in whatever way that is for you, for me that was ladies nights out on the town and my goodness they were just the best (although most of them I can’t remember) but going out was also a great way to meet new people and experience actually being single and it’s always handy to build up your flirting skills! I think it’s important to learn that there’s lots you can do without your ex by your side and still just have a great time, sometimes even better.
Be realistic: A lot of people say after a break up, ‘keep yourself busy’ ‘fill up your time’ ‘start dating again’ and yes this all sounds ideal when said and again does all depend on your circumstances but there is most likely going to be a lot of times where you’ve done all you can do for the week and you just happen to be on your own again. Yes it does get lonely but, in time you kind of learn to enjoy it even if it’s just small things like realising you can watch that Netflix series you want without someone making you pick something else because they don’t like it, you can fart without anyone witnessing and knowing you’re not being judged (that’s a personal favourite of mine lol), you can go and give yourself an orgasm even better than what an ex could! There’s lots you can still appreciate in doing even when you’re on your own and that’s definitely something I was very shocked to find out because I never thought I would.
Cutting all contact: This is a really difficult one to be honest and all of what I’m writing is circumstances based this is just from my experiences but, I think breaks up are so hard nowadays with social media and things like Facebook and snapchat memories of just constant reminders about you being with that person and what you did as well as the temptation of wanting to check up on your ex and what they are up to, I mean it’s hard. But again I knew I didn’t want to rush myself and just completely pretend like that person didn’t exist, granted out of anger and upset I deleted some of the things I had uploaded however, after just cooling down and thinking about it I realised that deleting some pictures isn’t going to automatically make me forget about that person. Blocking; I don’t think I really have any right to offer advice on whether blocking is the right thing to do because when it was all fresh we just played the game of unblocking, blocking etc. so I think you just have to do what feels right for you but, at the end of the day if someone really wants to contact you then they will however, it’s also sometimes better for that person not to see what you’re getting up to and vice versa just to avoid anymore upset.
Don’t hate: Again this is all circumstances based and I mean sometimes in life there are just right bastard nobs doesn’t matter what they identify as they are just best of being left and forgotten but half the time breakups can just be mutual or ‘is what it is cases’ and I think it is important not to look back at your ex with hatred in these circumstances. Granted at first, I think it does sometimes work to feel like that but, over time don’t just pretend and ignore like you didn’t have any good times together because otherwise what a waste of time that would’ve been. Don’t get me wrong it’s still sometimes needed to remind yourself of why you’re not together anymore but, I do think if you’re just full of hatred you’ll find it harder to move on.
Overthinking: Try your best not to overthink situations that you went through, the breakup itself or your ex in general because most of the time it doesn’t get you anywhere. I think with some breakups there’s no blaming or wondering, no questioning or fixing, sometimes it just doesn’t work out the way you had planned it too. When someone’s been in your life for such a long and meaningful time I don’t think it is healthy to look back in hate and regret because I bet you find that your ex probably taught you a lot about yourself, taught you resilience and when being single taught you how to love and take care of yourself, that’s what is important, not holding grudges or questions but finding the meaning in something that felt so sad at the time. I finally feel like I have reached this point and that’s nearly two years but, I think that’s what’s stopped me getting into relationships because I knew I wasn’t over it and for me I wanted to be before I even thought about then being with someone else.
Trust me I know it is like an ‘oh piss off’ to hear but everything truly does come in time and one day it will hurt so much less than it has done. Yes, you’ll still think of your ex here and there but all those emotions you had will start to slowly drift away and day by day you can put more energy and time into yourself and build a new and exciting future.
Well there we go, I am quite nervous about posting this because it’s like ‘oh yeah you’re really getting over an ex aren’t you by posting about this on valentines day’ (that’s that overthinking again) but, you know what I mean I don’t know if it is sharing a bit too much but, I just think a lot of people aren’t always open to sharing their experiences and I like to think of it as a specialty that I have no filter and that if it helps someone or makes them feel a bit better then it’s worth it.
I hope you have an amazing night whether that’s getting ravished by someone else or doing yourself but either way, Happy Valentines Day.
See you soon.