Hey, so I am currently sat in my nans garden, about to write my first blog post in 5 weeks & I literally don’t know where to start! So much has happened, a massive change in my life that I didn’t think I would ever cope with the way I have, and I think I feel ready to tell you about it. If you follow my blogs, in majority of them I have mentioned my partner, this is now ex-partner. So, as the title says I went through a breakup and I really did which is why I took a break from blogging to just focus on myself and figure out what the hec I am doing in life! Although I must say it feels incredibly refreshing to come back to writing as I really did miss it as I really do enjoy it. I took a break because I didn’t want to just write another random blog post when so much was going on, I wanted to come back and tell you what’s really been happening, but don’t be under the illusion that this is going to be a sad read, because it’s not, because I think I am the happiest I have ever felt in a really long time and I want to share that with you.
Now the last thing this blog is going to be Is speaking about my ex, because he’s irrelevant. Hehe I’m just kidding, but we do have separate lives now and this post is more about that a breakup isn’t actually the worse thing in the world. What I will say, was he was the one to call things off, for the fourth time (currently rubbing my face at how ridiculous that is, but yes, I stayed don’t judge me), however for me this was the last straw and I knew what I had to do, that there would be no going back. I’ll be honest the first week I cried, a lot but I think that is the saddest thing about a breakup is that you can’t really see that person anymore, at least for a long time anyway & when someone has been part of your life for so long it is hard to let go of that. For me it was also because I met this person when I was 16 so, I relied on them a lot, I thought there were so many things I would never be able to do without them, or that I would struggle to do & I’ve learnt that that’s just not true! Now if you know me you know that I am an open book and I have no shame in anything that I do, so I’ll be honest in the first week or so even though I knew how much better life might actually be not having to constantly argue with this person or be in tears every week, I still sent the classic ‘I miss you text’ & then it was like the next morning I had a complete switch and just revaluated everything over the last few years & ladies & gents let me tell you it’s not always your fault why someone breaks up with you & that’s what I was starting to realise was that it was him & I don’t think I could’ve fought anymore to make the relationship work than I already had & that’s the morning I knew I was done.
When that moment came it felt bloody amazing! When a breakup happens you feel like it is going to be the worse thing ever but mine wasn’t, it was probably the best thing ever for myself & him, because who wants to be unhappy majority of the time? If you’d of said a couple of months ago ‘imagine not seeing that person for 6 weeks’, I would have told you there is no way that I could cope with that and I wouldn’t know what to do with myself & I’d be sad. Well guess what, I’ve bloody done it & the amount of stuff I have done these past almost 6 weeks has been one of the best times of my life! I think sometimes in relationships if they are unhealthy you can really loose who you are as a person & the confidence you once had, it feels like you can’t get it back on your own, but I am here to tell you, you honestly can. It may take time & you might bounce back sooner or longer than I did but breakups don’t have to be these awful things. You can always bring positives out of situations like this, one of the biggest things for me was it helped me so much with my anxiety because I didn’t have an excuse not to do something anymore, I had to do it because no one else was going too & slowly each week I achieve something new and it makes me a lot less anxious & just proves that I can do stuff without a man. Also my friends and family have been amazing & so supportive, sometimes I used to get so wrapped up in my own head & think apart from this one person I have no friends & no family that really care, well I was wrong about that too because they have been the best, more than I could ask for & that reassurance of knowing I have these great people around me is awesome & I feel truly lucky.
Also, don’t think just because someone breaks up with you, you’re not good enough, because you bloody well are! If you don’t think it, I do & if you are in a relationship where someone’s making you feel that you’re not and you are genuinely doing all you can, then revaluate everything and make a judgement on whether it is healthy for you to be in a relationship, because I wish I had & I wish I had done it a lot earlier because I was turning into someone I never wanted to be & putting up with things I said I never would again, so I thank the person for doing what they did. I mean let’s leave it on the good stuff as this has turned out to be a lot longer than I expected! Being single is surprisingly so much fun, yes ok here & there you miss the cuddles & all that cringe stuff but the freedom of just being selfish & not having to think about the consequences of your actions is such a good feeling! Eventually as well you will feel ready to date & that is a whole other blog post, but I’m just dipping my toe in that pool as it were, and it seems to be pretty enjoyable hehee! So, there you’re pretty much up to date with my life (if you were interested hah) & I am really looking forward to getting back to my writing again as it is something I dearly missed but was just not in the right head space. If you ever need any advice if you are in a similar situation yourself I am here to offer it in the bucket loads! I hope you have an amazing rest of your week & go on a mad one at the weekend, because I know I will be…again!
See you soon