**Just a disclaimer to say I am in no way wanting to offend anyone with today’s subject, nor am I trying to tell people what to do. This is just my opinion & hopefully giving some friendly advice**
Hello again, how are you today? I hope you are good & I hope that you are having a momentous week so far. Thanks again for joining me & just sitting down & listening to what I have got to say… it makes a change 😉. I have been wondering about people who I don’t know & what they imagine me to sound like when they’re reading this, or do you do it in your own voice? I would love to know! Anyway, we are getting distracted from the somewhat gripping title above – todays post is about Anxiety & what a bitch she is. So, let’s get into it;
Anxiety – Anxiety is something I think everyone must experience at some time in their life, as I know I certainly have. I think everyone can get a nervous feeling or on the other end of the spectrum not even wanting to leave their room due to anxiety. For me anxiety is all about the build-up, I feel it is about the actions I am wanting to take but my subconscious is doing everything to stop me going through with it, & it literally feels like you are having a battle with yourself. I’ll be honest in some ways I understand Anxiety from how I have experienced it & in other ways I don’t. I do feel like as I have gotten older the high sweating anxiousness that I felt consumed me sometime ago, has almost diminished & now I just get a little nervous feeling in my stomach.
For me school was one of the biggest kicks for my anxiety to grow, because there was bullying, bitching & battling which I think pretty much everyone must experience in school. Certain situations happened where I was so nervous about going to school, I hated it & the little girl who took crap off other people, I feel is a completely different person to the I don’t take any shit woman I am now. I remember one morning when a rumour had gone around the school & I wanted to try & make myself sick just as, so I couldn’t go in. However, my mum was too clever for me to just say I was unwell…so I needed to make myself sick. So instead of making the logical choice of mixing salt & water & taking a drink… I for some reason (thinking this would work) poured washing up liquid into a glass of water & tried to drink it, & after 2 sips I thought fuck this I’d rather go in. Now this is hardly extreme to some of the other actions people take because of anxiety but, it just shows how far us humans can go to avoid something.
There were many times like the above where I was anxious about school, but one day I literally turned around to myself & thought fuck this I am not going to be scared, or miss out on things all because other people want to behave like dickheads & I decide to torture myself over it… I am just not doing it. Taking this action helped me a lot in terms of me not wanting to miss things as much as I tried. However, anxiety still got to me every now & then – I would just say that the above was one of my more extreme moments.
When I used to date… I used to get so nervous I hated it, I always liked going on double dates with my friend at the time & even if I did meet a boy I would literally end up talking to them for 6 months before I even met them, because I was too anxious to meet in person. One of the first dates I went on, I have never needed a poo more in my life! I literally remember needing to fart every 10 minutes & by the end of the date my stomach was in so much pain because of how badly I needed to let one pop. I still suffer with anxiety every now & then but, as I previously said it’s got better as I got older. Especially with meeting my current boyfriend who was the only first date I went on after a day of talking & It was the first time I was more excited than nervous. He is certainly someone that has helped build my confidence dramatically, & now I have the confidence to believe in myself that I don’t need to even rely on anyone to help with my anxiety, something I will always be grateful for towards him.
I feel I could write a lot about this, but I wouldn’t want to bore. This is just my own little experience and just to say that I think anxiety is completely normal at any age. Something I have learnt with other friends that suffer with the same is even if they have had to cancel on events & it is because they are just too anxious to go, in no way is that a choice for them… it may seem like it at the time like they’re not trying, but no one chooses to have anxiety, it’s just about how we deal with it. All you can do is build yourself up or your friends & family member who may suffer with the same & show that anxiety doesn’t have to win, even if it doesn’t go away, it can just sit there in the background & be quiet because we are the ones who control it, because really, it’s about controlling ourselves.
Woah, I had a lot more to say than I thought! Speak soon.